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Dear Doctor Jolt,

I am a senior and I don't have a woman and have not had a woman in my 3 and half years here. I don't want to graduate without dipping my stick. What do I do? I don't even mind having relations with a freshman. What techniques do i employ to sprout my garden?

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

In three and a half years without a woman, it seems like you aren't really trying to get one....or maybe there's some kind of fear of rejection issue going on here that makes you not even ask women out. In any case, your last-minute eagerness and....er....frustration is admirable and I'd like to help you with this problem. Might I suggest you employ a few techniques that are a sure fire shot at the women: look good, smell good, and speak good.....speak well. The first two are pretty self-explanatory, but the last of these is the deal closer. Present yourself confidently and act yourself. When all else fails, alcohol and fraternity parties always help. You may also want to consider lowering your standards. The bottom of the barrel gets an unfairly bad rap, and you might strike fools gold there. If these direct approaches don't meet your needs, I highly recommend trying our very own Love Monkey.

Sincerely,

Dr. Jolt, G.P. (Gratuitous Plug)

DISCLAIMER: Obviously, Dr. Jolt doesn't actually hold any official medical degree. Dr. Jolt does in no way represent the official stance of the Daily Jolt and is in no way affiliated with Franklin and Marshall College. You reserve the right to completely ignore his ramblings.

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